Enough is enough is enough.
Am I strong…enough?
Am I kind…enough?
Am I pretty…enough?
Am I successful…enough?
Have I accomplished…enough?
Am I wealthy…enough?
Am I confident…enough?
Am I likeable…enough?
Am I enough…enough?
I could go on. And on. And on. Every day – the swirling whirling sound of self-questioning and self-doubt. The uncertainty of “enoughness”. I feel it in my bones. I hear it in the quietly cutting words I utter to myself, “Becky, get it together, I mean you are really all over the place. Are you ever going to find your purpose, your calling? Probably not. It’s too late. You’re too old. Afterall, you aren’t as good as her; you don’t look like that girl; you really should start doing botox, everyone else is. You look old. What have you accomplished in life anyway? Nothing you do matters. No one cares. Just admit it, you are not enough…of anything. You’re just an average person. Just let that be enough.”
Relentless. Useless. Exhausting. Self-chatter. I’ve done A LOT of work on myself – I don’t say that as a brag, I say that as a simple fact. Even still, I have these thoughts from time to time – and quite frankly, I would bet many others do, too. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. The world of othering and self-camparison is at an all-time high. Ahem…do I need to even say why, ok fine…social media. It’s in our face all day every day. The not enoughness. Even the “healthiest” most “evolved” individuals (however you want to define “healthy” and “evolved”) struggle with enoughness. Sometimes those of us really doing the self-work have it even more – why do you think we are doing the work after all? Because we don’t feel like enough. Always grasping for this next level up of growth. It can be a slippery slope if one doesn’t proceed with caution. It can also be a self-fulfilling prophecy that is more ego-led than heart-led.
When it comes to self-help and the desire to be better, stronger, healthier and to grow and evolve, I am in the front row with my mouth wide open shouting “feed me”. This isn’t always a good thing. At some point, I have to find enough. Be enough. Feel enough. As is – with no further alterations. It doesn’t mean I stop doing the work, but it does mean knowing when to pause, take a step back and evaluate how far I have come. Put the latest self-help, spiritual growth book down, put the ego aside and see myself from my purest core. From this place I can see I was ALWAYS enough. We are enough now and we were enough then. Does this mean we stop doing the work or focusing on growth? Absolutely not. But, I find myself at times feeling like I “should” be further along, I “shouldn’t” still be having these thoughts – as a teacher and a guide, most definitely not. But then I thought, hmmm, this is the absolute opposite of what I would want to teach and how I would want anyone else to feel. That they have to keep climbing and clambering nonstop at warp speed to climb the proverbial spiritual evolutionary growth ladder. There is no ladder. There is just now. Today. And our feelings. There is no destination somewhere out there. There is only the destination of this moment, and in this moment, I would want myself to feel like enough. More than enough.
In this moment, I can be enough. As I am right now. I can take a deep breath. I can sit with my enoughness. I can sit in non-comparison. I can sit with discomfort. I can sit with uncertainty. I can sit with my wrinkles and my sun-spots. I can sit with my mouth closed and fill up on the goodness that is already inside. The knowing I already have. I don’t ever have to have it all figured out, have a perfect plan or a pinnacle to reach. In fact, the purest form of growth for anyone would be to release themselves from all of that. To instead subscribe to being present, removing the external pressures – have goals, sure, but align to how we want to feel and less so on what we need to achieve in order to feel like we’re enough. I don’t have to subscribe to everything everyone else is doing or telling me I should do. I can sit here. With me. How far I have come. The goodness I have created. The pain I have endured. The growth I have experienced and feel 1,000 percent ENOUGH.
The question of enoughness will always be lurking – waiting just around the corner and ready to pounce. I know those malicious, self-sabotaging enoughness thoughts will show themselves again and again. I welcome them. They will now be my reminder – I’m good. I’m already enough. Right here, right now I can sit in enoughness. There is nothing more I need to achieve to be…enough. Guess what? You are enough, too.
Make an “Enoughness List”. List out ALL the ways you are enough. Having trouble coming up with all of your greatness? Ask those closest to you what they love most about you. You’ll be surprised how quickly your list grows. Keep adding to it. When those thoughts surface – you can 1-2 punch them by reading your enoughness list. Do it! It really helps. Here are some examples from mine:
- I care deeply about how others feel.
- I am a very compassionate person.
- I take incredible care of my body physically and spiritually
- I make amazing food!
- I have a deep connection to nature, our planet and my heart wants to save it all.
- My soul is on fire for the animals of our earth and I work hard to protect them
- I am deeply loyal
- I have a great eye for design and aesthetics of things
- I am learning to allow myself to love and be loved more deeply
- I am a damn good dinner party host!
- I work hard on my own growth so that I can be the best version of myself for me, and for those I love.
- I learn from my mistakes.
- I have learned to love my son in a non-controlling, freeing way. I let him be the beautiful, unique person he is. I am a great mom!
- I have strong integrity and I am a very honest person.